We Were Never Meant to Survive (GLOG Class: Ranger)

I love coyotes, as you can see. All images via Wikipedia.

Tinen is a wild land. Its huddled villages and towns of mud brick fed by intricate irrigation are few and far between. What fills the interstices? Ragged hills dotted with juniper and piñon and chamisa, steep mountains cloaked in evergreen and autumn yellow, tiny streams which lapse in the dry heat and flood in the snowmelt, endless expanses of brown grass and shrubs which burst into verdancy when it rains. Their inhabitants are the beasts of earth and air and brook, the deer and elk and coyote and wolf and jay and lizard and trout—and you. The wilds must be patrolled, for Tinen is under siege by the Enemy, whose greatest skill is worming in where it is unwanted, and the land, infertile as it may seem, is the lifeblood and manna of the people. So it falls on some few, whose skills and temperament suit the task, to become as the coyote, to wander the lonely places where none others dare go, and defend them from evil.

 

Class: Coyote

 

Skills (1d3): 1. Astrology, 2. Augury, 3. Haruspicy

 

Starting Equipment: A gnarled juniper-wood coyote mask, a dust-colored cloak, a buff coat (light, fragile), a bow (medium) and 12 bronze-tipped arrows, an obsidian knife (light, fragile, magic), and a Coyote secret (see the table at the end of the class).

 

A: Secrecy, Survivalist, +1 AC

B: Nimble, +1 to-hit

C: Shift, +1 AC

D: Freedom, +1 to-hit

 

Secrecy: Your membership in the Order of Coyotes is not known to outsiders. You can identify yourself to other Coyotes with secret hand-signs and glyphs. You can perfectly mimic the whole vast breadth of coyote sounds and can speak the language of canids. Other than Secrecy, none of your abilities from this class function while you are not wearing your mask or while you are wearing metal armor—but all numerical bonuses are retained regardless.

Survivalist: You can find 1 ration of forage per day without actively searching while traveling in the wilderness and always know the direction to the closest source of clean water. While you can see the mountaintops, your chance of becoming Lost is 1-in-6 lower, unless you are actively trying to become Lost. You have a 10-in-10 chance of following a trail by sight and scent over any terrain, reduced by 1-in-10 per day since the trail was made.

 

Nimble: You take one less die of damage from falling and always land on your feet. You have perfect balance and cannot be knocked over by anything smaller than a horse.

 

Shift: If you can see the leaves of a plant or the lichen on a rock, you may gain 1 Fatigue to instantly appear in cover next to it. You may make an additional maneuver per round in combat.

 

Freedom: You are immune to being restrained, tied up, pinned, grappled or imprisoned—your body becomes dust momentarily to move through such things. You can walk atop mud, snow, and water without sinking. You leave no trail you don’t choose to leave. 

 

Coyote Secrets (d8): 

1. A black and white feather from a woodpecker crow. While holding it, you may transform into that bird, leaving the contents of your inventory in a pile on the ground. You may transform back at will and may not use the feather again until the full moon.
2. An ironwood spear sprouting a single red flower (medium). Once the spear has pierced a creature, it cannot be removed from their flesh until they die.
3. A hat made from a skunk's pelt. While wearing it, you may spray like a skunk—don't ask from what orifice.
4. Three polished chunks of pink mountain granite. If used as sling bullets, the target takes normal sling damage and is thrown back 40 feet, and the chunk crumbles to dust. If the target hits a surface before the 40 feet is complete, they take 1d6 additional damage per remaining 10 feet.
5. A tiny clay vial of datura, containing 4 doses. 1 dose causes instant delirium and a save vs unconsciousness. 2 doses cause instant unconsciousness and a save vs death.
6. A clay potsherd from a forgotten culture. When snapped, causes a piece of representational art within reach to come to life and obey your orders inerringly for 8 hours.
7. A simple pinewood whistle. Calls 1d6 regular coyotes to you within 10 minutes. Every time you repeat this within the same hex within 30 days, -1 reaction with coyotes and Coyotes from that hex.
8. An ancient macahuitl of alder and sapphire (heavy, +1). In sunlight, its blades focus light into the face of the closest foe (-1 AC and to-hit) and may be used to start fires.

This is, of course, a GLÅUGUST post, for the prompt "adapt a 'setting-specific' class to your setting." It is an adaptation of Loch's very excellent Wanderer from Ashes to Ashes/the Living World, which had not previously been posted publicly (don't worry, I got permission to link it here). 

To Be Too Practical is Madness (GLOG Class: Paladin)

Everyone, of course, has heard the tragic tale of Alonso Quixano, who was so unfortunately driven to madness and death by those ever-foolish "chivalric romances," which any man with half a mind despises as if they called his mother a whore. Many thanks are owed, of course, to Miguel Cervantes, to Alonso Fernández de Avellaneda, and most of all to Sidi Hamid (Moor though he may have been), those noble biographers who preserved such a perfect specimen of the dangers of fantasy in their eternal words—but perhaps Cervantes, at least, may be accused of overmuch sympathy for the ailment of his subject. Even despite his largely sanguine treatment, some foolish readers seem to read into his words and their "sterile, half-educated wit" a nonexistent beauty in the malady of Quixano, and begin to seek it themselves. They find themselves lost in the idiocy of furious Orlando, beguiled by the bastardly Bernardo, and maybe even—horror of horrors!—seduced by the chaste loins of Amadís. These imbecilic figures find themselves but more lost than poor Quixano, for in this modern age of musketeers and swashbucklers, of intrigue and adultery, that useless chivalry is more distant and archaic than it was even more than a century past in Quixano's day.

 

By Gustave Doré, via Wikipedia

 

Class: Mistimed Quixote

 

Start with a broken-down rheumatic old nag, a flimsy suit of decorative armor, an antique, blunt, rusty épée bâtarde, an idiotic servant, a decrepit and failing farm estate, and a vast collection of worthless trash in literary form.

 

The Knight of the Sad Face: All those you meet despise your bedraggled visage and impossible delusions, but at least some find you amusing. Reaction rolls of 2-7 count as 3 (mockery and schemes for your humiliation, constantly on the edge of tipping over into blunt violence), and rolls of 8-12 count as 11 (playing along until they get bored, suppressed laughter breaking out into open hilarity). Priests, merchants, and boors react at -1; innocents and the easily amused react at +1.

 

I Know You, You Lying Scum: Whenever you are insulted in the least, whenever a lady is insulted in the least, or whenever you imagine such an insult deep in your diseased mind, you must make a save vs madness. On a failure, you spring instantly to indignant rage (in the case of a lady offender) or violent fury barely restrained by some pretense of honor (in the case of a gentleman offender). On a success, you are the very picture of Christian forbearance and mercy. When you are injured by a man, you may be beaten unconscious and badly bruised, but you are never killed or crippled.

Like Some Biblical Patriarch: Your servant will risk himself for you whenever you are in harm's way. You owe him an island as his wages for his faithful service as your so-called squire, and he will seek deliverance of his reward at any possible opportunity. Whenever your delusions overcome you, he must save vs madness. On a failure, he too is overcome. On a success, he attempts to dissuade you with an earthy proverb. Regardless, he holds Esprit for you, but only when you are mad. When your servant reaches 10 Chivalry, he becomes a Mistimed Quixote.

 

The Very Pillar and Support of All Knight Errantry: You see the world as it could be, not as it is. Inns become towering castles streaming brave pennants, travelers become mighty knights in gleaming armor, peasant girls and prostitutes become beauteous ladies clad in silk and gold (the uglier the woman, the lovelier the lady), the groaning of hogs becomes the blowing of proud horns, and so on and so forth, ad nauseum. Your perceptions change on a dime as your grasp on reality waxes and wanes. You hold Esprit for everything and everyone that you see, always.

 

When the True History of my Mighty Deeds Sees the Light: You have a pool of 10 points, called Chivalry. When you spend a point of Chivalry, you lose it forever, but your servant gains it. You may spend points at will, when performing acts of genuine good and kindness, to succeed automatically, as though you were a knight errant with a mighty arm, a keen mind, and a silver tongue. Everyone who witnesses your act must save vs madness or hold Esprit for you. When you run out of Chivalry, you are purged of your delusions, but they are replaced by an indelible physical ailment. You will die within the week.

 

 

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go read the best novel ever penned. Again. 

What Foolish Desire Drives Me (GLOG Class: Paladin)

Roger délivrant Angélique by Louis-Édouard Rioult, via Wikipedia

Time to hop on the paladin bandwagon! The following folks have already joined the lemming train: Vayra, deus ex parabola, Loch, semiurge, Vulnavia, primeumaton, Louis, and Gokun. They've all made excellent posts; be sure to check them out.

 

It has been a long time since the Empire of Kashkhorshid was great. Her cities, tall and proud and ancient, are rubble, strangled by the Serpent. Her horsemen, their armor glimmering in the sunlight, are vanished, decimated by beasts. Her markets, filled with the din of a thousand yelling merchants and a thousand jingling trinkets, are sadly withered and empty. And yet, when you visit the Imperial Court in the city of Daryacheh, it is impossible to not feel that glory in the air like the heaviness of an impending rain. The walls are sheathed in rich tapestries depicting days long gone, the Empress still glitters and chimes with the golden finery of her foremothers—and the paladins still make their merry feasts at her laden table, with axes hung on the wall awaiting the call of adventure. Aye, the paladins, those mighty warriors, who serve the people of the Empire with loyalty and grace. Once they were myriad, and only the finest received the incomparable honor of riding a hippogriff. In these fallen days they are few, and horses are even rarer than alchemical beasts, but still those that remain ride out a-questing on their steeds.

Class: Paladin 

 

Only a Kashkhorshidi woman (or someone who passes as such) may become a Paladin.

Skills (1d3): 1. Courtly Manners, 2. Songs of Yore, 3. Ballgame

 

Starting Equipment: A copper greataxe (heavy, fragile), an ancient steel shortsword (light, +1), copper panoply (heavy, fragile), a tabard emblazoned with your heraldry, a twelve year-old squire (HD ½, noncombatant), and a personal favor from the empress (see the table at the end of the class).

 

A: Questing, Hands, +1 to-hit

B: Mount, +1 to-hit

C: Favor, +1 to-hit

D: Ferocity, +1 to-hit

Questing: What a fine and sunny day it was when Lady Xiana the Sad started on her journey. She would not return for ten long years.

When you accept a noble quest, gain a Questing Die (1d6), which may be rolled and added to damage, attack, and skill rolls, as well as to reduce damage from an incoming attack. When you roll a 6 on the QD, it is depleted and removed permanently. If you conclusively fail to complete a quest, all QD you currently possess are depleted. If you are not proudly displaying your colors, your QD instead deplete on a roll of 5-6.

 

Hands: They say that Lady Maruxa of the River wept as she cradled the corpse of her son, and that he awoke when he felt that bitter salted rain. 

When you touch someone who is injured or ill, you may choose to roll a QD to restore hitpoints equal to the roll or to grant them an additional save against an ongoing illness, injury, poison, or the like.

 

Mount: The name of Asbi the steed is almost more well known than that of his rider, Lady Madina the Savage, After all, it was he who saved her from the marsh.

In recognition of your deeds, the Empress grants you a steed from the labs of the imperial alchemists. Most mounts take the form of a hippogriff, a beast with the front half of an eagle and the rear half of a horse, but other variants are known. By default, your mount has 2 HD, 10 AC, Atk 1d4 (claws), and move 60', and it may glide downward at a rate of 10' vertical per 100' horizontal. It can understand Kashkhorshidi and follow instructions, but cannot talk. It is perfectly loyal but is still an animal with a will of its own, it will permit no one other than you or your squire to ride it, and it can carry you and one other person. You may pick one additional feature for it at each of B, C, and D templates from the list particular to that template. With a month of downtime and access to the imperial labs, you may switch its selected features. If your steed dies, all of your QD immediately deplete. The alchemists will be displeased when you ask for a replacement.

• B: 12 AC, Atk 1d6 (bite), swim 60', healing tears (as Hands, 1/day), blindsight 30'.
• C: +1 HD, 14 AC, Climb 30', flaming breath (2d6, 20' cone, 1/day), detect magic 30'.
• D: +1 HD, 16 AC, +1 attack/round (1d4, claws), speech, fly 60' (1 hr/day), teleport (line of sight, 1/day). 

Favor: Lady Asiri the Green was the first paladin. When she left to kill the Dragon of Sefidab, she went with the shawl of Empress Zarina tied around her arm. 

While openly wearing the favor of your true love, your QD become d8s and deplete only on rolls of 8, or 7-8 while your colors are concealed.

 

Ferocity: It took three hundred men to kill Lady Miske the Perfect. Only one of them walked away. 

When you kill or otherwise defeat a target with an attack, you may immediately make another attack against a different target.

 

Imperial Favors (d8):

1. A silver locket containing a shard of Empress Zarina's left tibia. When the wearer would die, they don't, and the bone fragment burns to ash.
2. A lance with an ancient head of pattern-welded steel (medium, +1) and a much newer shaft of elm. The wielder cannot be unsaddled.
3. A much-nibbled pickled dragon's tongue in a green glass jar. Eating a bite of the tongue grants the power to speak with birds for a day. Five bites remain.
4. A rukh's feather from the highest peaks of the Garnet Mountains. Snapping it grants the power to fly like an eagle for a day.
5. A golden needle, said to have been a gift from the spirit of the Lake to a long-dead Empress. Thread sewn by it is strangely tough, allowing the wielder to repair armor with merely a bit of sinew and a night's labor.
6. A plain sack containing a hundred shells from long-lost seas. Currency is little-used in what remains of the world, but shells are still accepted as a common denomination. A hundred of them is half a fortune. 
7. A velvet cloak edged in vermilion. The wearer does not need to eat or drink.
8. An orichalcum saber (medium) in an archaic style. The sword contains 2 MD, which may only be used to cast murder of crows. The MD refresh when the sword is immersed in snow.

This is, of course, a GLÅUGUST post, for the prompt "class referencing the previous 17 entries in a fictional, didn't-actually-happen class bandwagon." I hope you enjoyed said previous entries as well. (No aspersions were intended by the association of name to song! They're all lovely people and none of them are Nazis or South Africans or Rick Astleys at all!) I promise I will get to your Superman prompt eventually, deus ex parabola. I just haven't been inspired yet.

XVI. The Tower (GLOG Class: Wizard)

Via Wikipedia, by Pamela Colman Smith

 

To play this class, you will need either a full physical 78-card tarot deck or a method of imitating one satisfactorily (the Dash Delta dicebot on Discord has a very nice tarot feature that includes reversed cards, an essential element of this class). You are encouraged, but not required, to play your cards with all the panache and theater you can muster and to perform normal readings in the course of the game.

 

Via Wikimedia, by Mikhail Vrubel, located by primeumaton

Class: Fortune-Teller

 

Skills: Bluffing and 1d3: 1. Shoeing Horses, 2. Storytelling, 3. Silversmithing

Starting Equipment: A 78-card tarot deck, an iridescent or otherwise colorful robe, a crystal ball (completely inert), a dagger, and a stout staff. 

A: The Tarot, Hand of Fate, Trusted Voice

B: Destiny, +1 Hand

C: Scry, +1 Hand, +1 Fate

D: Burn, +2 Hand

The Tarot: At midnight, shuffle your deck (adding any cards which were in your hand, played, or discarded back in), draw a number of cards equal to your Hand (3 at A template), and add them to your hand, which you may look at. Cards in your hand must remain in the orientation in which they were drawn (upright or reversed). You may play a card face-up to activate its effect, and you may stack additional cards from your hand face-down beneath it to enhance its power (card descriptions use the notation [stack] to represent the number of cards used, with the initial face-up card counting as 1). If a card is destroyed in-fiction, remove it from your deck and do not add it back in until you acquire a replacement. Card effects may target any contextually appropriate person, creature, or object that you can see within earshot, unless otherwise specified. In combat, playing a card in any way takes your action unless otherwise specified.

Hand of Fate: You have 1 Fate. This may be spent, at will, to discard a card from your hand and replace it with a random card drawn from the deck, or to flip a card from upright to reversed and vice versa. You may temporarily acquire more Fate from cards of the Major Arcana, as detailed below, and there is no limit to how much Fate you may have at any given point, but at midnight, no matter how much Fate remains, it is reset to 1.

Trusted Voice: Your regular readings are treated with respect by all folk, and your predictions are widely held to be trustworthy. You are under no obligation to tell the truth about your divinations, but if you acquire a reputation for dissembling within readings, you lose this ability.

 

Destiny: You may discard any number of cards from your hand to draw and play a random card from your deck sight unseen, with [stack] equaling twice the number of discards.

 

Scry: Before shuffling and dealing your deck at midnight, you may choose to search it and place one card of your choice into your hand. This reduces your Hand by one (and the chosen card still counts towards Hand) until the next time you shuffle your deck and refresh your hand.

 

Burn: Draw randomly or pick from your hand three or more cards, which must remain in the order and orientation they were drawn/picked in (you can mix and match drawing and picking). Create a reading based on this sequence of cards and negotiate an effect for it with the DM, which transpires immediately. The cards you use for this ability instantly burn to ash and may never be used again. Any replacements you acquire for them are inert and powerless, including in regular readings.

 

Suits

 

This is where I reveal I'm a coward and a rube and didn't come up with 156 bespoke effects for 78 cards in upright and reversed orientations. Sorry. Instead, each suit (including Major Arcana) has an upright and a reversed effect, and each card of the Major Arcana also has unique upright and reversed effects. DMs and players are encouraged to come up with unique abilities for each card of the Minor Arcana as they come up, or I may create an additional post with further effects if I feel up to it (no promises).

 

Swords:

• Upright: An unlikely accident befalls the target and deals [stack]d6 damage to it. You may choose whether this coincidence transpires in [stack]d6 rounds or [stack]d6 minutes.
•  Reversed: The next time the target would take damage, an unlikely coincidence intervenes, reducing the damage by [stack]d6. May be played as a reaction.

Wands:

• Upright: Target flame (open or contained) either explodes into a blinding display of fireworks (all who see it must save vs blindness until it's over, lasts [stack] rounds) or into a cloud of choking, obscuring smoke with a radius of [stack]×10 ft.
• Reversed: [stack] targets must save vs confusion, taking -1 to all rolls instead on a success. The effect lasts 1d4+1 rounds.

Cups:

• Upright: Gain an intuitive and perfectly accurate empathetic understanding of the emotions of either 1 target for [stack]d6 minutes or [stack] targets for 1d6 minutes.
• Reversed: A target becomes completely emotionally deadened (immune to fear, pain, joy, lust, etc) for [stack]d6 rounds, or [stack] targets are so affected for 1d6 rounds. 

Pentacles:

• Upright: The target heals [stack]d4 HP. If this would bring them above their max HP, they gain [stack] max HP until the next time this card is shuffled back into the deck.
• Reversed: 1d10×([stack]-1)×10 large, foreign gold coins appear in your hand and disappear a minute later, or 1d10×10 large, foreign gold coins appear in your hand and disappear a minute/hour/day/week/month/year later (increasing per [stack]).

Major Arcana:

• Upright or Reversed: Gain [stack] Fate.

Unique Card Effects

 

0. The Fool:

• Upright: All bonds (physical, mental, social) restraining [stack] targets burst asunder instantly. The targets cannot be bound, slowed, hindered, or otherwise restrained for [stack] hours thereafter.
• Reversed: [stack] targets are seized by chains restricting all their limbs (if any), which disappear after [stack]d4 rounds. Each round, they may use their action to save to escape.

I. The Magician:

• Upright: For the next [stack] minutes, either [stack]+1 human-sized (or smaller) targets or one target no bigger than ([stack]+1)×4 times larger than human-sized float up to no higher than [stack]×10 ft above the ground at your will. Each round, they may use their move to save to escape. You may end the effect at will.
• Reversed: For [stack] rounds, [stack] targets have their weight magnified, slowing them by [stack]×10 ft (or more on particularly soft ground) and causing them to take [stack]d4 damage per round as they're crushed under their own weight. Flying targets immediately plummet to the ground.

II. The High Priestess:

• Upright: For [stack] hours, you can see all magic effects and intuit their basic functions, penetrate all illusions, sense traps on a 5-in-6, and interpret all omens clearly.
• Reversed: [stack] targets are disguised as something with roughly similar shape and size for [stack] hours.

III. The Empress:

• Upright: Target living thing grows—plants, fungi, and the like grow to cover an area no more than [stack]×100 ft to a side permanently, while animals and the like grow to [stack]+1 times their original size for 10 minutes, adding +[stack] to their Strength modifier.
• Reversed: A target withers and desiccates, taking [stack]d4 damage and [stack]d4 Strength damage (save for half). If played on a plant, fungus, or the like, it and all similar living things within a radius of [stack]×50 ft instantly die with no save.
  

IV. The Emperor:

• Upright: You may speak with [stack] of the following categories for [stack] hours: animals, plants, corpses, doors, stones, weapons, clothes, and speakers of any specific language. They have personalities befitting their nature and are not automatically cooperative.
• Reversed: [stack] targets are completely silenced and unable to create noise for [stack]×10 minutes.

V. The Hierophant:

• Upright: [stack] targets must save vs charm. If charmed, they treat you like a trusted (but not boon) friend for [stack]d6 minutes.
• Reversed: Create an illusion deceiving up to [stack] senses, which you can control and move for [stack]d4 minutes, after which it disappears.

VI. The Lovers:

• Upright: Target object no larger than a cube [stack]×5 ft to a side is repaired, even if it was reduced to dust, or target heals [stack]d6 HP.
  
• Reversed: Target object no larger than a cube [stack]×5 ft to a side is shattered into a million pieces.

VII. The Chariot:

• Upright: For [stack] rounds, a target may move at [stack]+1 times their normal speed and may take an additional action every round in combat. After the effect ends, the target is lethargic (cannot move, has no action in combat) for [stack] rounds.
• Reversed: For [stack] minutes, a target must save each round or lose their action and is slowed by [stack]×10 ft.

VIII. Justice:

• Upright: Speak a proper name and pick a condition: until you reach the bearer of that name or until the bearer of that name is dead. Until the condition is fulfilled, do not reshuffle this card unto the deck; it remains in play. You know the exact direction and distance of the target constantly, no matter where it is, and all attacks made against it gain +[stack] to hit, even if you'd wish otherwise.
• Reversed: [stack] targets are concealed from [stack] senses for one hour, or one target or location is concealed from [stack] senses for [stack] hours. 

IX. The Hermit:

• Upright: After 11 minus [stack] minutes of study, you understand the literal meaning of a piece of writing or other object of art.
• Reversed: You can hear a target's thoughts as if they were your own for [stack] minutes. They may save to feel your presence in their mind.

X. The Wheel of Fortune:

• Upright: The next [stack]×2 times you blink, you instantly appear wherever you were looking before you blinked when you open your eyes.
• Reversed: Name a category. For the next [stack] minutes, everything in that category within sight approaches you—anything which can move under its own power slowly wanders towards you as if of its own accord, anything which can't floats at a sedate but inexorable 10 ft per round.

XI. Strength:

• Upright: The next [stack] attacks and harmful effects targeting a target miss or fail as if by coincidence. May be played as a reaction.
• Reversed: [stack] arrows appear from thin air and orbit you for the next hour. You may launch any number of them as an action; they cannot miss or be mitigated in any way and each deal 1d4 damage.

XII. The Hanged Man:

• Upright: For [stack] hours, everyone you meet will treat you like an exotic but important and fascinating foreign dignitary, granting +2 reaction. For this duration, you cannot be ignored and are the most interesting thing in any room you walk into.
• Reversed: For 8 hours, you gain +[stack]+1 AC if you are unarmored, as though objects which approach you suddenly slow to be easily avoided, and you are always the least interesting person in any group or crowd.

XIII. Death:

• Upright: A target rolls [stack] mutations on the DM's favorite table and heals [stack]d4 HP. These mutations last [stack] days, after which the target saves against each of them, losing them on a success.
  
• Reversed: A target becomes immobile, inactive, and completely immune to any change or harm whatsoever for [stack]d6 rounds. May be played as a reaction.
• Upright or Reversed: You may discard your entire hand and redraw back up to the number of cards that were in your hand immediately before you played this card.

XIV. Temperance:

• Upright: Within a cube no more than [stack]×5 ft to a side, all volatile materials and reactions (fire, acid, alcohol, fuel, etc) are turned to neutral salt.
  
• Reversed: Must be played at [stack] = 2 or greater with a card of the Minor Arcana, which is also turned face-up. You may, for a round, telekinetically control a cube no more than [stack]×2 ft to a side of the associated element (Swords = air, Wands = fire, Cups = water, Pentacles = earth). Attacks made thereby do not require an attack roll, but deal [stack]d6 damage to no more than [stack] targets, save for half.

XV. The Devil:

• Upright: A pit [stack]×5 ft in radius and [stack]×10 ft deep appears in the ground or floor. Anyone this pit appears beneath may save to get out of the way before falling. The pit lasts [stack] hours.
• Reversed: A rope [stack]×50' long appears, tied at one end around something or someone you can see at any distance. The rope is unbreakable and lasts [stack]×10 minutes. If tied around a creature, they may save each round to escape if it would be feasible for them to untie the knot.

XVI. The Tower:

• Upright: Curse the target with a negotiated effect that can be described in no more than [stack]×3 words. After [stack] hours, the target may save to end the effect; on a failure, it is permanent until dispelled.
• Reversed: [stack] targets receive +1 on all rolls for [stack]×10 minutes as fate seems to miraculously and inexplicably favor them.

XVII. The Star:

• Upright: An object glows with bright light in a radius of [stack]×10 ft for [stack] hours. If your foes come within the light, they lose 1 Morale permanently as the light gains a mysteriously menacing aspect.
• Reversed: Magical darkness with a radius of [stack]×10 ft appears, lasting [stack] minutes. Those within must save vs anhedonia, which lasts until they exit the darkness.

XVIII. The Moon:

• Upright: [stack] targets become mortally terrified of something or someone you name for [stack]×10 minutes. On noticing the object of their fear, they flee. Targets with HD equal to or greater than [stack] may check Morale to hold their ground, but they have -1 to hit and -1 AC while afraid.
• Reversed: A magical effect with MD less than or equal to [stack] is permanently dispelled. If the target has MD greater than [stack], it is instead suppressed for 1d6 rounds. May be played as a reaction.

XIX. The Sun:

• Upright: All impurities are removed from a specified substance within the volume of a cube no more than [stack]×5 ft to a side and are set neatly in a dried, powdered pile next to it.
• Reversed: A specified solid, liquid, or otherwise fluid substance is, within the volume of a cube no more than [stack]×5 ft to a side, transmuted to a different substance not more than [stack] steps later than it on the following list: stone, wood, water, alcohol, acid, lead, tin, iron, copper, quicksilver, silver, gold. Any substances not on the list may be placed at the same rank as another substance at the DM's discretion. Additionally, the unit used to determine the maximum volume decreases to spans if the final stage of the transmutation is acid or higher, palms at quicksilver or higher, inches at silver or higher, and fifths of an inch at gold or higher. 

XX. Judgement:

• Upright: Summon a being whose name you state. If the name belongs to a spirit, it appears immediately, but if it belongs to a fleshly being, the owner instantly knows that they were summoned and your location at the moment you played the card. The subject of the summoning is not necessarily well-disposed. If you do not state a name, a random spirit of [stack]d4 HD is summoned instead.
  
• Reversed: [stack] spirits within earshot are banished and disappear, or [stack] fleshly beings within earshot may not approach you or attack you. Targets with HD greater than [stack] may save to negate.

XXI. The World:

• Upright: A doorway-sized passage appears though a surface no thicker than [stack]×5 ft. If stack is at least 5, a doorway may instead be created out of thin air leading to a place you've been before within ([stack]-4)×10 miles.
• Reversed: A wall made of the same material as the ground or floor appears, [stack]×10 ft tall, [stack]×5 ft thick, and no more than [stack]×100 ft long; it may include corners but may not form an enclosure. If one of the cards in the stack is from a Minor Arcana, you may turn that card face-up and form the wall from the suit's associated element instead (Swords = wind, Wands = fire, Cups = ice, Pentacles = living stone).

To Have a Share of the Earth and the Unfruitful Sea (GLOG Class: Cleric)

Artemis or Hecate, via Wikipedia

Artemis, via Wikipedia

 

 

In the base of the rocky hill on which the high citadel of the city of Orchitrave is founded, there is a cave, and that cave wends and weaves and winds its way deeper and deeper into the earth, until at last it reaches the starless grey land of the dead, where shades walk aimlessly back and forth forever. This cave is a temple of the Great Goddess. So too is the lighthouse of Balamne, which towers above all other constructions of mankind, and at whose top a great flaming beacon is lit which has burned since time immemorial and will burn evermore. So too is the vast stone circle of Nials, where women dance madly in the winter snows to bring the renewal of spring, and so are the depths of the woods, where only deer and wolf have trod since the world was young, and any place where two roads meet, and wherever the voices of children can be heard. The Great Goddess wears many faces and bears many titles, never called the same thing twice. Her name is no secret, but no man dares speak it, and the women only sing it in the most secret places for the most sacred and occulted rituals. One more thing there is that all can agree upon: in each hand she bears a torch, for she is the one who lights the way: for travelers, for seekers, for witches, for kings, for newborn babes and the shades of the dead, for hunters and hunted, for watchmen and warriors. She is alight at both ends.

Class: Amphipyros

Skills: Midwifery and 1d3: 1. Astrology, 2. Poisons, 3. Leechcraft

 

Starting Equipment: 7 torches of pitch, linen, and cypress (⅓ slots each); a bronze ritual dagger (⅓ slots, profaned by touching blood); a stone ritual dagger (⅓ slots, profaned by touching wine); a black robe (1 slot carried, 0 slots when worn, +1 stealth); a white robe (1 slot carried, 0 slots when worn, +1 save); and a loyal, intelligent dog (½ HD, 1d6 bite, excellent sense of smell).

 

A: Best and Most Beautiful, Light-Bearer, 2 Flares

B: Honor Also in Starry Heaven, +1 Flare

C: The Rotting Goddess, +1 Flare

D: Mysteries Within Mysteries, +2 Flares

 

Best and Most Beautiful: As a virgin priestess of a virgin goddess, you have +2 reaction with dogs and the god-fearing, and -1 reaction with men. If you ever enter a man's house or violate your chastity, you become ritually impure and may not use any of your abilities from this class. To purify yourself, you must sacrifice a doe, burning its fat so that it reaches the heavens, and bathe in a river under the moon. You may sacrifice an buck, pouring its blood into a pit in the earth, to learn the will of the Great Goddess. She loves cypresses, dogs, witches, and children, and hates that which all gods hate: unfaithfulness to herself and herself alone.

 

Light-Bearer: When holding a torch in your hand, you may expend a Flare to cause the torch to burst into divine flame, activating an Aura you know. The Aura lasts for as long as the torch burns (typically 6 turns/1 hour) and extends to the edge of the torchlight (typically a 30 foot radius). Only one Aura may be applied to a given torch, but after it has been activated, a torch need not be held by you or near you to apply its effect. You may prepare [templates] + 2 Auras, each of which is depleted once used (you may, of course, prepare duplicates). Flares and Auras refresh at the witching hour.

 

Honor Also in Starry Heaven: On the new moon, full moon, equinox, solstice, and when two wandering stars align, gain +1 MD for the duration of the celestial convergence. If multiple of these events coincide, the MD from each of them stack. Learn two spells, rolled on 1d8 from the list. Roll another to learn at C template, and pick one at D template. If you roll a Mishap or a Doom, the Great Goddess will decree a task for you to complete before you can draw on the heavens again.

 

The Rotting Goddess: In imitation of your goddess, you may shift your form and perception whenever it suits you. Your visage is always recognizably your own, but you might appear one moment youthful and callow, the next maidenly and fair or matronly and kind, wizened and decrepit or pallid and decaying. For extra effect, you may even bear up to three faces on one body at once, though the effort involved means that after no more than an hour of this appearance, you will revert to your original form for at least a day.

 

Mysteries Within Mysteries: You learn the deepest truths and secrets and rites of worship. If you find or commission a suitable idol and set it up in a suitable sanctuary, you may establish a temple of the Great Goddess in truth. Around it will grow up a city, and the city will prosper under her patronage and yours, for though she is a goddess of the earth, of death, of the hidden places, so too is she a goddess who stands before the gate, who protects mothers and children, who brings renewal and growth.

 

Auras:

1. That Turns Away Evil: Soft, indistinct, yet pure and all-pervading and silvery-white, like the moon on a foggy night. All spirits, shapeshifters, restless dead, and evil men must save to enter the light and have disadvantage on all saves and Morale rolls once within it. Furthermore, shapeshifters and the restless dead take 1d4 damage per round within the light and, if destroyed, have their shades put to rest and returned to whence they belong.

2. Before the Gate: Bright, cheerful, warm, and dancing to an unheard tune, like a campfire which holds the night at bay. Within the light, you and your allies have +2 to all saves, and the torch's holder may shorten the torch's life by 1 turn to reduce an instance of damage that an ally receives by 1 point.

3. Who Frequents Crossroads: Singular, precise, and distant, comforting in its solemn loneliness, like a lighthouse sighted from afar. From outside the light, its radiance is not visible, and all within the light seem but a faded grey mirage. Those within count as traveling without light for the purposes of surprising those without (5-in-6 chance of surprise), but are not so subject to surprise themselves (1-in-6 chance of surprise as normal).

4. Holding the Keys: Shimmering with brazen, silvered, gilded threads weaving and unweaving an intricate pattern, like a language that no man can speak. The first time a given lock, ward, or knot enters the light, it has a 3-in-6 chance of unlocking or unraveling. Each time a binding is so undone, the torch's life is shortened by 1 turn. If a binding is not undone, you may not attempt to burst it asunder again until you have gained a level.

5. The Best Advisor: Deep blue in the center, flaring with white pinpricks, and fading to blacker than black on the edges, like the twilit sky fading to obscure easterly night. Within the light, all magical effects are made known, twisting at the edges of vision like the shapes which dance behind your eyelids. Traps and secret doors similarly have a 4-in-6 chance to make themselves known.

6. Bowstring in Tension: Golden-bright, burning sharp in the pupil, like an arrow falling from the sun-blind sky to pierce your eye. All ranged attacks made from within the light have +1d4 to-hit, deal +1d4 damage, and have their range bands doubled.

7. Wide-Ruling: Scintillating with a thousand twinkling lights in every color imaginable, like a vast hoard of priceless jewels suddenly exposed to lamplight. Within the light, your allies have +2 Morale and are immune to fear effects so long as you stand with them.

8. Queen of the Animals: Flaring with proud green and gold like sunlight through the leaves, like wings spread wide, enfolding, protecting, taking flight. Within the light, you speak the tongue of the beasts and the birds, which also gives you +2 reaction with them. If you give them an order, they must save or obey.

9. She Who Gives Victory: Martial and proud and innumerable, like the banners of a great army marching in serried ranks to the horizon and beyond. Within the light, you and your allies have +1 AC, +1 to-hit, +1 damage, and +1 initiative.

10. Of the Wolf: Bold and crimson, hot and steaming, like entrails spilled in the snow, melting a hole in the untouched drifts with the futile strength of their will to live. Within the light, all tracks have a 10-in-10 chance to be clearly limned with intangible blood, with that chance reduced by 1 for every day since their maker left them. If the torch is totally full with life, extinguish it instantly to learn the exact direction and distance to a quarry whose name you know.

11. Singer of Divine Songs: Golden and purple and other colors not truly perceptible to the eyes of mortals, ever-shifting in realms the mind cannot comprehend, like the ichor and ambrosia and clothes and visages of the gods themselves. For every turn spent in the light, those within heal 1 HP. If accompanied by your sacred song that turn (incurring a wandering monster check), the healing increases to 1d4 HP, and each expended MD possessed by those within the light has a 1-in-6 chance of returning to their pool.

12. Bright: Brilliant beyond brilliance and clear beyond clarity, such that all who behold it are dazzled and blinded for a moment, like a star come to earth to grace us with her immortal glory. The radius of this light extends however far the wielder wishes it, even beyond the horizon should they so choose, and they may shape it into the narrowest beam or widest corona or anywhere in between. Unlike the light of any other ephemeral wavering torch, it banishes even magical darkness, and in it, all detail and color may be perceived in richness, sharpness, and clarity even greater than they might display in the most direct sunlight.

 

Spells:

1. Bestow/Remove Curse: Lay with your words a fitting curse on one who can hear you and who has done you ill. Set a just condition for its removal. If the condition is not met, the curse expires in [dice] years and [dice] days—but if cast with 4 MD or more, it is permanent. Alternatively, remove a curse from one who you touch with your bare hand. If the curse was laid by a power greater than yourself, you have a [dice]-in-6 chance of success.

2. Crown of Stars: [sum] scorching stars materialize in orbit around your head, forcing all who see you to roll Morale at -[dice] and either grovel or flee. 1 star winks out per minute since you cast the spell. At will, you may hurl any number of stars at a foe within sight, dealing 1 damage which cannot be avoided or reduced in any way.

3. Darkness: An area of your choosing, no greater than [sum] furlongs square, is instantly consumed by a cloud of utterly impenetrable blackness. Any caught within it must save vs fear or collapse to the ground wailing in despair. It lasts 1 day/1 week/1 month/1 year/forever, depending on [dice].

4. Continual Flame: Allow a flame to burn you; it will consume no fuel nor spread any further, but will cast light and heat until the end of your enchantment. It lasts 1 day/1 week/1 month/1 year/forever, depending on [dice]. This allows Auras to last far beyond their usual measure, but all Flares and prepared Auras invested in Continual Flames cannot be recovered until the flame is extinguished.

5. Speak With Dead: You may ask [sum] questions of a corpse or multiple corpses, which they will answer as truthfully as they can with what they knew in life and what little knowledge they have garnered afterwards. Alternatively, wrest control of [sum] + [dice] HD of undead with no save, for no longer than [sum] hours. If you do not return them to their rest, the Great Goddess will know, and she will punish you.

6. Lay On Hands: If used to touch someone who is about to die, they are stabilized immediately. If used to touch a permanent wound or the sufferer of an intractable disease, the wound or disease has a [dice] + 2-in-6 chance of being healed.

7. Protection from Evil: Weave a web of protection with fragrant oils and smokes costing 10 drachmae per 5 feet of circumference around a person, place, thing, or whatever else. The next [dice] times it would be crippled, destroyed, mortally wounded, invaded, or burned, it isn't.

8. Plague: Whisper horrid curses in the streets or pathways of a place where people gather. The next day, an implacable plague will strike them, killing at least [dice] × 10% of them within a fortnight.

Heavy With the Fruit of Prophetic Dreaming (GLOG Class: Bard)

Alpine forget-me-not via Wikipedia

There is no such thing as a new story. There are but endless retellings, ripped apart and sewn together again like ransom notes from a heap of unwanted magazines. Which is to say: your life is a faded diorama of a long-forgotten poem. Perhaps, if you try your very hardest, you can weave in an age-old theme which blossoms into a million tiny perfect flowers in the light of this dying age.

 

Class: Bard

 

Starting Equipment: Every song and poem and phrase and voice and word you've ever heard.

A: Clay; +1 reaction

B: Glass; +1 HP

C: Ink; +1 save

D: Ash; +1 reaction

 

Clay: Stare into the labyrinthine depths of the cruel golden Sun. He will shrive you of your innocence and your ignorance and your staring sparkling eyes that drink up light like an alcoholic drinks spirits. In return for your gift, he will place orbs of dull unseeing clay in your scarred sockets, scriven all over with writhing skeletal runes encoding beautiful secrets you can never read. Your new eyes will be blind as the dirt from which they were ripped, but they will whisper to you always, slender insinuations of the straw-bright threads which link all things. Masters and slaves, lovers and lovers, stories and themes, spells and mages, secret doors and hidden levers: you will know the tendons which weave the world. You need but ask. If you pluck a golden thread and sing to its thrumming with your sliver-sharp voice, all who hear must save or still in fascination as tears pour down their cheeks.

Glass: Stand before the vast, uncaring Sea and bare yourself utterly. Clothes, pretenses, personae, rhetoric, skin: you must shed them all to reveal the wet, pulsing flesh beneath, the veins coursing with carmine thoughts, the intestines convulsing with love and anguish. Your audience will know you, and they will love you. In return for your gift, they will lick you all over where your skin once was, your knees and thighs and wrists and shoulders and breasts and ears. Where the tongues, foaming and salty, have been, your new skin will grow. It will be hard and transparent and cool—strictly, it will not be glass but some strange unearthly metal—but when touched by aught other than yourself, it will scorch away fabric and flesh alive in a burst of heat. All the machinery that composes you will forever be exposed to the searching eye, breathing and pumping beneath your impenetrable skin. You will be immune to external physical harm, and any who lay hands on you will take 1d6 damage per round. If someone you loves cries out in pain and you can hear it, you can choose to take the damage instead of them.

Ink: Climb atop the highest peak of the land, whether it be stone or steel, and weep joyous tragic bittersweet tears from your blind clay eyes like handfuls of glittering gem-dust thrown into the laughing Wind. Tears are not all she demands; she will blend your courage and your bones and your teeth into a slurry and drink them down with a raw egg. You don't need them, after all, with your lovely corundum shell to keep you standing and protect you from harm. In return for your gift, your heart and glands and marrow will course anew with fresh fluid, their erstwhile charges replaced with black, indelible ink. Your blood will stain your veins, your saliva will stain your tongue, your lymph will stain your nodes, your tears will stain the corners of your eyes, your urine will stain your groin, your milk will stain your nipples. The very cushion in which floats your brain will stain every inch of your mind. What remains of you now but this sad muddy slime of organs in a perfect leaded-glass vase? All who look can see your dissolution—but your words can never be erased, for your ink is eternal. Put to paper the tale, heroic or tragic, of someone you love, and spread it. They may add +1 to any number they wish on their character sheet. You may not do this more than once per person, and each must choose a different number to affect. If you incite a crowd to action by invoking such a tale, they will not be quelled until their goal is achieved.

Ash: You have received many gifts, from Sun and Sea and Wind. This is not a gift. It is yours. You have learned—or perhaps created?—a new word, and this word is Truth. When you speak it, your perfect ink-stained song-singing tongue will burn to ash in an instant. Your effluvia will clear miraculously, no longer blighted by darkness. Your bones and teeth will grow again from naught in their proper places. Your skin will soften and warm and grow opaque. Your eyes will appear once again in your skull, untouched by unbearable brightness. In return for your gift, you may dictate one eternal fact, which will forever reign in heaven as on earth, carved into the firmament and the bedrock and all other stones that are and all other stones that will be. Your tongue will never return. Your new-written stories will vanish in time, as all mortal things do. But your old stories and your Truth; those will never die. 

Inspired by "Death Dance for a Poet" by Audre Lorde, which I cannot find a good transcription of online. It's in the collection The Black Unicorn (1978).

Of Him the Harpers Sadly Sing (GLOG Class: Bard)

Nu sculon heriġean    heofonriċes Weard

Now we must praise    heaven-kingdom's guardian,

Meotodes meahte    and his modġeþanc

the Measurer's might    and his mind-plans,

weorc Wuldor-Fæder    swa he wundra ġehwæs

the work of the Glory-Father,    when he of wonders every one,

eċe Drihten    or onstealde

eternal Lord,    the beginning established.

He ærest sceop    ielda bearnum

He first created    for men's sons

heofon to hrofe    haliġ Scyppend

heaven as a roof,    holy Creator;

ða middanġeard    moncynnes Weard

then middle-earth    mankind's guardian,

eċe Drihten    æfter teode

eternal Lord,    afterwards made—

firum foldan    Frea ælmihtiġ

for men earth,    Master almighty.

    – "Cædmon's Hymn", by Cædmon c. 658-680 CE

I've decided to start rewriting the Carolingia classes as part of the total reworking of the hack that I plan to do, and the old Chanter seemed like a good place to start, since I really don't like it much and I think I'm going to remove conventional GLOG spellcasters from the game entirely, or nearly so.

 

Starting Equipment: A harp or other instrument, a leather helm, a small shield, and a weapon of your choice.

Skills: Music, Poetry, and 1d3: 1. Folklore, 2. Religion, 3. History

 

Damage: 1d8

 

A: Battle Cry, Beloved Voice, Legend-Smith

B: Tales of Heroism, +1 to-hit

C: Boiled Alive, Songs of Lore, +1 Save

D: Weeping Stones, +1 to-hit

Battle Cry: If you call out a battle cry at the beginning of a fight, your allies each regain 1 hitpoint immediately and gain +1 to-hit for the rest of the battle, while your enemies take a -1 penalty to Morale for the rest of the battle. However, if in a dungeon or other dangerous area, this immediately provokes a wandering monster check. 

 

Beloved Voice: When you let it be known that you are a teller of tales and a singer of songs, you gain +1 to reaction rolls with intelligent beings. This can be accomplished by reciting a song or poem, even if the listeners do not understand the language it is in. There will always be food and space in the mead hall for you, provided you perform. 

Legend-Smith: If you compose and recite a poem or song regarding an adventure (or misadventure) that the party got into, all involved characters gain 10 XP. Yes, you must actually write it and recite it. No, it does not have to be good, or long. It just has to exist. You cannot gain this XP for multiple events that happened in the same session.

Tales of Heroism: You know two of the following tales, rolled on 1d8, and may roll another for each further template of Bard you gain. Reciting a tale takes 10 minutes, at the end of which, everyone who heard it gains the detailed benefit. No one may benefit from any particular tale more than once per day, and you may perform no more than [templates] tales per day. Bonus points if you actually recite an excerpt from the poem. At the DM's discretion, you may make a poem you composed about the game into a Tale of Heroism, with a negotiated benefit.

1. Beowulf: Gain +1d4 to-hit and +1d4 damage on the next attack you make this day.

2. Cædmon's Hymn: Regain 1d4+level hitpoints.

3. The Dream of the Rood: Reduce the damage of the next attack that hits you this day by 1d4.

4. The Wanderer: Ignore the next 1d4 obstacles that would impede your overland travel on this day.

5. Widsith: If at least one person present speaks a language, all people present are conversant in it for the next 1d6 hours.

6. The Battle of Maldon: During the next fight you participate in on this day, all retainers and levies gain +1 Morale.

7. Wulf and Eadwacer: During the next fight you participate in on this day, when you would roll Death and Dismemberment, roll twice and take the lower.

8. The Seafarer: Adverse weather conditions will not affect your sailing or put your ship in danger for the next 1d12 hours.

 

Boiled Alive: In social situations, delivering a sufficiently cutting insult (and you know the drill at this point; you have to come up with the insult yourself or crowd-source it from your fellow players) will cause the target to wake the next day with a face covered in boils.

 

Songs of Lore: You have a [templates]-in-6 chance of knowing a fact, determined by the DM, about any person, object, creature, polity, or place if you hear the name or a detailed description.

Weeping Stones: The reaction bonus from Beloved Voice increases to +2 and now applies to all creatures, not just intelligent ones, as well as inanimate objects. You gain a further +1 reaction with beasts and inanimate objects for each hour you play and sing to them. On a reaction roll of 12+, beasts will become your loyal companions and natural things will obey your orders. This may not be used to make them act against their nature or harm their kin, but you could ask a stone to split or a tree to move a root, and it would do so.

Through the Black Amnesias of Heaven (GLOG Class: Space Witch)

I've mostly been writing short fiction recently rather than working on RPGs. I was trying (and failing) to write a story about a space witch when I realized that it would make an awesome GLOG class, so here we are. The implied setting is some sort of science fantasy thing with technology more advanced than ours in some ways, but not by that much, with the shortcomings being made up for with magic. I don't think there's any computers or any long-distance communications more advanced than radios either. Maybe I'll try to extrapolate this out into a full hack, but honestly I'm not sure what other classes would fit and not get totally overshadowed by this one. Without further ado!

Starting Equipment: An antiquated spacesuit, an aluminum staff (1d4), a snub-nosed revolver (1d8, -1 to-hit per 3 meters past the initial 6 meters) with 12 rounds, 3 sticks of incense, a stick of chalk, a lighter, and a random piece of space gear (at the end of the class).

Skills: Orbital Mechanics and 1d3: 1. 0g Movement, 2. Nuclear Physics, 3. Xenobiology
 
For every template you have in this class, gain +1 to Navigation rolls.
 
A: Magic, Rite of Propulsion
B: Augury, +1 MD
C: Transceiver, +1 MD
D: Void's Embrace, +1 MD

Magic: You know how MD work, probably. Deplete on 4-6, Mishap on doubles and Doom on triples, all the usual stuff. You know 2 spells from your list, rolled on a d6. Roll again with a d8 at B template, a d10 at C template, and a d12 at D template.

Rite of Propulsion: You can see the eldritch winds that flow from the sun and dance amidst the moons and rings. Given a lit stick of incense, an intricate chalk diagram, and a spaceship equipped with arcane sails and a well-maintained shrine to the Nameless Lady of the Void, you can cause the ship to accelerate at up to [templates] gs. This is subject to the vagaries of eldritch weather. The direction of the thrust is at your will, but it doesn't provide a great deal of maneuverability - Piloting checks for fancy flying roll with disadvantage while under this thrust.
 
Augury: You can cast bones, read tarot cards, or perform some other minor divination ritual about a course of action you plan to take soon. The DM will tell you their opinion of the plan with one word: good, bad, or unsure. There's a 1-in-6 chance the DM will instead answer randomly, and this chance increases by one each time you use this ability this day, resetting at the end of the day.
 
Transceiver: When touching a piece of metal suitable for use as an antenna (such as the staff in your starting equipment), you can transmit and receive audio transmissions as if you were a radio.

Void's Embrace: You can breathe in a vacuum and will suffer no deleterious effects from the pressure or temperature. In the absence of food and drink, spending at least 18 hours in every 24 in direct sunlight will sustain you. At any time, you can apply acceleration of up to 1g to yourself in a direction of your choice. This requires total concentration, and if used for flight in significant gravity (or an approximation of such with rotational acceleration), also requires an Int check to avoid losing control.

Spells:

1. Find Familiar
   Casting Time: 8 hours
   Duration: Indefinite
   Range: -
   Summon a spirit in the form of an animal with no more than [dice] HD. It is intelligent, speaks the languages you do, and will do your bidding, but may have its own agenda as well. It can survive in vacuum and ambulate in 0g without any obvious means. Casting this spell requires [dice] bottles of alcohol and [dice] kg of enriched uranium, which are consumed.
2. Arcane Spacesuit
   Casting Time: 1 action
   Duration: [dice]*2 hours
   Range: Touch
   The target of this spell is encased in a transparent and fully functional spacesuit for the duration. The suit cannot be depressurized by punctures, but will be destroyed when you take a total of 5 damage. 
3. Catapult
   Casting Time: 1 action
   Duration: -
   Range: 100 m
   Fling an object of [dice] slots at a target within range. The target must Save or take [sum] damage. If in a 0g environment, you can instead move [sum] slots or [dice] creatures at a speed too low to cause any damage.
4. Magic Missile
   Casting Time: 1 action
   Duration: [dice] hours
   Range: 30 m
   You create [dice] arrows of magical energy, which float around you for the duration. As an action, you may fire as many of these arrows as you wish at one or more targets in range, which take 1d4 damage per arrow with no Save or attack roll.
5. Overheat
   Casting Time: 1 action
   Duration: [sum] rounds
   Range: 30 m
   You may target a metal object, mechanical device, or electrical system within range. This target overheats for the duration. Anyone touching it must Save or take [sum] damage every round they remain in contact. If it's a mechanical or electrical system, it shuts down for the duration, and there's a [dice]-in-6 chance it is permanently damaged or even destroyed. Large, complicated, or hardened systems may be less affected at the DM's discretion.
6. Resist Gees
   Casting Time: 1 action
   Duration: [dice] hours
   Range: 10 m
   For the duration, [sum] targets within range have the effective g-force on them reduced by [sum] gs (to no less than 0g) for the purposes of deleterious effects stemming from that acceleration.
7. Empower
   Casting Time: 1 action
   Duration: [dice]*10 minutes.
   Range: Touch
   The target is charged by a powerful electrical current. At 1 MD, this is equivalent to a car battery. At 2 MD, a 120V outlet. At 3 MD, a spaceship's power grid (aka a small nuclear reactor). At 4 MD, a space station's power grid. If the target isn't equipped to handle this sort of power (this includes all creatures), it takes [sum]+[dice] damage (Save for half, this just fries electrical systems and probably blows them up sometimes).
8. Recycle
   Casting Time: 10 minutes
   Duration: -
   Range: Touch
   Transform [sum] slots of manufactured objects back into their constituent raw materials. Alternatively, purify [dice] cubic meters of fluid (turn the carbon dioxide in the air into oxygen gas and a tiny bit of carbon dust, remove the urea from urine to make fresh water, etc.)
9. Speak With Machine Spirit
   Casting Time: 1 minute
   Duration: [dice] minutes
   Range: Touch
   You may speak with the resident spirit inside anything reasonably construed as a machine for the duration. At 1 MD, this machine may be no larger than a refrigerator. 2 MD, a nuclear reactor. 3 MD, a spacecraft. 4 MD, a space station.
10. Commune With Void
    Casting Time: 10 minutes
    Duration: -
    Range: 10,000 km/100,000 km/1 AU/solar system
    Speak with the Nameless Lady herself and learn one of the following things about the area within range: 1. The orbits and local names of all of the celestial bodies, 2. The orbit and identity of the nearest spacecraft or artificial satellite, 3. The orbit and identity of the largest spacecraft or artificial satellite, 4. The orbit/location of a specific (by name) location, vessel, satellite, or person, 5. The orbit/location of the most powerful spellcaster, 6. The orbit/location of the most politically and socially influential creature, 7. The orbit/location of the largest concentration of sentient creatures.
11. Translocate
    Casting Time: 1 action
    Duration: -
    Range: 10^[dice] m
    Move [sum] creatures (may Save to negate if unwilling) or 100^[dice] kg of matter that you can see to a location within range (you don't need to be able to see the destination, and if you're transporting a spacecraft or the like, this can contain the occupants). The transported objects maintain their velocity. You cannot purposefully translocate to a destination that is within solid matter, but if there's a chance you might do so accidentally, you must Save vs shit getting really messy.
12. Fission/Fusion
    Casting Time: 1 action
    Duration: -
    Range: [dice]*100 m
    Induce fission in a concentration of fissile material no more than [sum] + [dice] kg in mass. If this mass is critical, it causes a criticality incident, and unless this is contained you just set off a nuke. Alternatively, induce fusion in a mass of fusable elemental matter within range. What counts as fusable matter varies depending on [dice]: 1. Hydrogen or helium, 2. Hydrogen through neon, 3. Hydrogen through argon, 4. Hydrogen through iron. Unless this reaction is contained, you just set off a fusion bomb.

Mishaps (d6):

1. Take 1d6 damage.
   
2. Take +1 damage from all sources for the next hour.
3. Glow so brightly for the next hour that you become temporarily blind and anyone who looks at you must Save vs blindness for 1d6 rounds.
4. Accelerate all loose objects in the vicinity in random directions - if it's not flung off into the void, anything breakable is broken, and everyone must Save vs [dice] damage.
5. ~0g becomes 1g in the most sensible direction; if there is gravity, it becomes 0g. Fills the room or 50 m radius, lasts 2d6 rounds.
6. A random nearby non-critical mechanical or electrical system malfunctions.

Dooms:

1. Your left hand burns with glowing heat and your right with biting cold. Touching anything with them deals 1d6 damage.
   
2. Whenever you cast a spell, you gain a local gravity field with a radius of 3 m and a magnitude of [dice]*0.25g. It lasts 1d6 rounds.
   
3. Become a random celestial body (d10):
1. Comet, 1d10 km radius, elliptical orbit of local star occasionally bringing you close to a planet of your choice.
2. Asteroid, 1d100 km radius, orbit of your choice.
3. Ring system around the planet of your choice.
4. Moon, orbiting the planet of your choice.
   
5. Dwarf planet, your choice of orbit radius around local star.
   
6. Rocky planet, your choice of orbit radius around local star.
7. Gas giant, your choice of orbit radius around local star.
8. Dwarf star, your choice of location between 10 AU and 50 ly away (yes, 10 AU is very close).
   
9. Main sequence star, your choice of location between 50 AU and 100 ly away (50 AU could totally destroy all life in your solar system, so make sure everyone is ok with this).
10. Something weird (d4):
1. A neutron star, 50 AU - 100 ly away.
2. A quasar, 50 AU - 100 ly away.
3. Star-mass black hole, 50 AU - 100 ly away.
4. Supergiant star, 1-500 ly away.

Space Gear (d20) (thanks to Archon and Squig):

1. Space Pen: Writes in 0g!
2. Space Ice Cream: Ice cream in 0g! Tastes terrible, 3 rations, 1 slot.
3. Space Sword: Just a sword. 1d6 damage, 1 slot. 
4. Space Recoilless Rifle: More of a rocket launcher than a rifle, really. 2d8 damage, disadvantage to hit anything smaller or more agile than a fridge, 3 slots. 1 round of ammo, 1 slot.
5. Space FM Radio: You can strap it to your forearm and get all the freshest space beats. 1/3 slots. (Don't worry, your spacesuit already has short-range radio comms.)
6. Space Battery: Useful for extra power. 1 slot.
7. Space Jetpack: Allows you to maneuver in 0g, but requires a Dex check to control. 2 slots.
8. Space Grappling Gun: 100 m of extruded carbon nanofiber cable, interchangeable magnetic and adhesive heads. 1d6 damage, -1 to-hit per 3 m past 9 m. 1 slot.
   
9. Space Boots: Toggle-on magnets keep you rooted. 1 slot.
   
10. Space Patch Kit: Seals leaks smaller than 1 m by 1 m. 10 patches, 1 slot.
11. Space Tracking Device: Tiny and adhesive. Range of 100,000 km, transmits on FM frequencies.
12. Space Absinthe: Weird alcohol. In space. 10 doses, 1/3 slots.
13. Space Medkit: Bandages, painkillers, etc. 10 uses, 1 slot.
14. Space Chalkboard: Has a static charge so that chalk dust doesn't get everywhere. 1 slot.
    
15. Space Aloe: Alien plant that just so happens to be exactly like Aloe vera in every way. 10 doses of healing goop (1 hp each), which regrow at the rate of 1/day so long as there's at least one left. 2 slots, fragile.
    
16. Space Wand: Laser pointer, also a laser gun. 3 charges in the capacitor, takes an hour to recharge (1d4 damage, -1 to-hit per 3 m past 20 m). 1 slot.
    
17. Space Health Potion: A hypodermic needle full of morphine and magic (cocaine). Heals 1d6 hp, gets you really high and also probably addicted. 1/3 slots.
    
18.  Space Love Potion: A ton of stimulants, hallucinogens, and barbiturates that really shouldn't be mixed; gets you incredibly fucked up. 3 doses, 1/3 slots.
    
19. Space Cat: A horrible tentacley beaked thing with too many eyes, vaguely cat-sized. Loves you, hates everyone else.
    
20. Space Oddities (d6):
1.  Resilient Sphere: Crush this little glass capsule and a transparent bubble filled with breathable air springs up around you, but you can't break it with your own strength, even with tools.
   
2. Ioun Asteroid: Fist-sized, orbits your head.
   
3. Space Cauldron: Spins around to keep the contents under gravity. Terrible idea, works surprisingly well. 2 slots.
   
4. Universal Wrench: Handle with a liquid metal head that shifts form to whatever shape you want it to be in. 1 slot.
   
5. Heat Gradient Stick: About a foot long, one end is liquid nitrogen cold (~ -200°C), the other is about the melting point of copper (~1000°C). The middle is nice to hold. 1/3 slots.
   
6. Brightburn Wand: If you tap yourself with it, you gain +3 MD and +2d6 max HP, but you die in 24 hours. Nothing can prevent your death. 1/3 slots.
   

Don't You Know the Way of Men? (Class: Wizard)

Credit Wikipedia

 

I asked for blogpost ideas, and Locheil said I should make a winter wizard. Ulimately it turned out to be more of an ice wizard and only a little bit of a winter wizard, but so be it.

 

Starting Equipment: A single long pole, a pair of old-fashioned cross-country skis, one weapon of your choice (with 20 ammunition if ranged), a snow globe (explodes into a 30' x 30' x 20' snowbank if shattered).

Skills: Skiing and 1d3: 1. Ice Skating , 2. Ice Fishing, 3. Ice Climbing

A: Hypothermic, Winter's Gift

B: Chillbringer, +1 MD

C: Warding Wind, +1 MD

D: Winter's Harbinger, +1 MD

Hypothermic: Your resting body temperature is 0° C. You are immune to cold weather and magical cold effects unless it's absurdly, unreasonably cold (maybe in the region of -100° C), but you suffer double the effect of heat-related ailments (heat exhaustion, heatstroke, etc). You have resistance to both cold damage and fire damage.

Winter's Gift: You have a pool of d6s known as Microclimate Dice, which function in the exact same manner as Magic Dice. You know 2 spells from your list, rolled on a d6. Roll again with a d8 at B template, a d10 at C template, and a d12 at D template.

Chillbringer: The area within 30' of you is always noticeably colder than the ambient temperature, unless it's already below freezing. If you want, everyone within 5' of you takes 1 damage per round from the cold unless they're wearing winter clothing and extinguishes small flames within the same area. Your touch deals 1d4 damage if it touches flesh or metal armor.

Warding Wind: A chill wind constantly blows around you. Missile attacks against you or targets adjacent to you have -2 to hit. Your aura of cold now deals 1d3 damage per round and can be extended up to 30' away from you. You can move through snow as though it were no obstacle at all.

Winter's Harbinger: The weather in the hex you occupy is always unseasonably cold - summer feels like spring or fall, spring and fall feel like winter, and winter feels like that one winter seventy years your great-grandma told you about. If it's near or below freezing, there's a 3-in-6 chance beyond the usual of snow, hail, or freezing rain (whichever the DM decides is most appropriate). Water freezes at your touch and below your feet.

Spells:  

1. Snow Cave
   Casting Time: 10 minutes
   Duration: 8 hours/days/weeks/months
   Range: Touch
   A snow cave that can hold [sum] people appears, either in already existent snow or a snowbank that appears when you cast the spell. The inside of the cave feels like the perfect comfortable temperature for everyone inside. It cannot be entered by any who the caster does not want to allow in, although it can be collapsed or otherwise destroyed. No harmful magical effects can penetrate the cave.
   
2. Control Water
   Casting Time: 1 action
   Duration: 0
   Range: 30'
   You can waterbend control any water within range that is not inside a creature. You can freeze, melt, or move up to [dice] ^ 3 cubic feet of water or ice (hitting somebody with this water is Save vs Magic or [sum] damage, freezing them in place is a Save vs Magic to avoid getting trapped and a Save vs Magic each round to escape), or turn [dice] ^ 3 cubic feet of water into ([dice] ^ 3) * 5 cubic feet of fog.
3. Winter Storm
   Casting Time: 1 action
   Duration: [sum] rounds
   Range: 60'
   Choose [dice] of the following options to apply to the area within range:
   - Golf-ball hail pours down, dealing 1 damage to everyone not under cover each round.
   - Thick fog fills the air, restricting every creature's sight to a 10' range.
   - Waist-deep snow appears, cutting walking speeds in half.
   - Winds howl, making missile attacks impossible, forcing all creatures to Save or be knocked prone each round, and making hearing impossible beyond 10' away.
   - Black ice covers the ground, making all creatures who move Save or be knocked prone and take 1d6 damage.
   - All flames are immediately extinguished.
   
4. Protection from Elements
   Casting Time: 1 action
   Duration: [sum] hours
   Range: 30'
   For the duration, [sum] creatures within range take [dice] less damage from heat and cold, and are immune to negative effects from temperature.
5. Speak With Ice
   Casting Time: 1 action
   Duration: [sum] minutes
   Range: Self
   For the duration, you can speak with ice in any of its incarnations. It will remember everything that has transpired since it was frozen. Snow is flighty and cheerful, melting ice is grumpy and resentful, glaciers are solemn and wise.
   
6. Mulled Cider
   Casting Time: 10 minutes
   Duration: [dice] hours
   Range: Touch
   [dice] slots worth of liquid are transformed into spiced and mulled cider, as hot as possible while not burning your throat. No matter the conditions, it will remain hot for the duration, and will persist after that but will cool down. Drinking a slot's-worth (which takes 1 action) heals 1d8 hitpoints if hot and 1d6 if cold. No one can benefit from this healing more than once per day.
   
7. Hoarfrost Hauberk
   Casting Time: 1 action
   Duration: [dice] hours
   Range: 0
   You sheathe yourself in a spiked cuirass of ice. This cuirass has [sum] hitpoints, which take damage that would otherwise have damaged you. If an enemy hits you with a melee attack while any of these hitpoints still remain, they take [dice] damage.
8. Wall of Ice
   Casting Time: 1 action
   Duration: -
   Range: 60'
   You create a thick wall of ice within range. This wall can be in any shape with an area of [dice] * [dice] * 200 square feet, and it is [dice] * 5' thick. It cannot intersect any creature. If you enclose a creature, they can Save vs Magic to escape. Each 5' by 5' pillar of ice has 5 HD. The wall lasts until it melts.
9. Cryogenesis
   Casting Time: 1 action
   Duration: [dice] hours
   Range: 30'
   Ice within range transforms into animate human forms under your command for the duration. You can create either [dice] 1 HD constructs or 1 construct with [sum] HD. They deal 1d4 damage or the damage of a weapon if they have one. There must be sufficient ice or snow present to create the constructs, and it continues to melt at the normal rate during the spell.
   
10. Cone of Cold
    Casting Time: 1 action
    Duration: [dice] minutes
    Range: 30' cone
    All creatures in range must Save vs Magic or take [sum] damage and be slowed by [dice] * 5' for the duration. All water in the area is frozen over.
11. Flesh to Stone
    Casting Time: 1 action
    Duration: -
    Range: 60'
    A creature within range that you can see must Save vs Magic. If they have [dice] or fewer HD, they are turned to stone on a failure. On a success, they instead gain [dice] AC and have their speed halved as they are partially petrified. If the spell is cast on them a second time, they will be petrified with no save. If they have more than [dice], they are unaffected on a success and partially petrified as above on a failure.
    
12. Midwinter Knight
    Casting Time: 1 action
    Duration: [sum] hours
    Range: Self
    For the duration, you are clothed in red and white and gain a long bushy white beard, granting you +[dice] AC from the friendliness of your appearance. At will, you can summon a flying sleigh pulled by reindeer. The sleigh can fly at up to [dice] * 100 miles per hour and is invisible to those who bear you ill will. It also contains a list of who's been naughty and who's been nice, and if you arrive at the home of someone on the nice list, it contains a present of elfin manufacture made specifically for them. The present's nature should be agreed upon by yourself and the DM.

Mishaps (d6):

1. Take 1d6 damage
2. Take +1 damage from all sources for the next hour
3. Become deafened for the next 1d4 hours
   
4. Catch a nasty cold (1d4 Con disease)
5. All creatures within 30' must Save or slip on ice and take 1d4 damage
   
6. Become frozen inside a huge block of ice for the next 1d4 hours

Dooms:

1. Your fingers become stiff and necrotic with frostbite. Lose 4 Dex.
2. Your eyes become clouded with icy cataracts. You cannot see anything farther than 30' away, or 60' with a successful Wis check.
3. At the start of every week and every time you cast a spell, Save vs Magic. On a success, your speed is halved as you grow stiff and cold. On a failure, turn into a beautiful statue of crystal-clear, pure, sparkling ice.